Twilight Facebook
by Twilightfangirl311
Summary: The Cullen's, wolfpack, and Volturi are on facebook. First chapters take place during the twilight saga, and the rest afterwards. Really funny. Please read and review. Be nice, 'cause it's my first story.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or Facebook

Twilight Facebook

Ch 1

BellaS has created a Facebook account

BellaS: OMG! My biology parter is such a freak! He looks constipated!

EdwardC does not like this MikeN likes this JacobB likes this

EdwardC has logged off

BellaS: Why is Edward being nice? He was so mean a couple days ago. Bipolar much?

BellaS: OMG! Tyler almost ran over me with a car!

JacobB does not like this MikeN does not like this CharlieS does not like this RosalieH likes this

BellaS: SCREW you, Rosalie!

BellaS: Dad, you have a Facebook? Ew, your too old for technology!

RosalieH and CharlieS have logged off

BellaS: Edward took me to a restaurant! Best date ever!

CharlieS does not like this JacobB does not like this MikeN does not like this JessicaS does not like this Rosalie does not like this Renee likes this

Renee: Bella's first date!

BellaS: Shut up, mom! I hate you!

CharlieS likes this

BellaS changed her status from single to in a relationship

CharlieS does not like this JacobB does not like this JessicaS does not like this MikeN does not like this RosalieH does not like this AliceC likes this Renee likes this EdwardC likes this

BellaS: Went to Colons' house. It was fun!

EmmettC:Um, you spelled Cullen wrong

JasperH: Thirsty!

EdwardC: My family's weird.

RosalieH: Bella, I hate you!

BellaS: Holy...! I'm being attacked by a vampire! Edward where are you?

AroV: You're not allowed to post about vamps! That's against the law! I'll hunt you and kill you!

BellaS: Who are you?

AroV: You'll find out in New Moon.

BellaS: Yay! I'm not dead!

RosalieH does not like this

BellaS: I HATE prom! I have a fear of dancing!

BellaS: Edward won't turn me into a vampire! I'm pissed!

JacobB likes this EdwardC likes this

BellaS had signed off

Thanks for reading! Please review nicely and no flames.


	2. chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or Facebook

Twilight Facebook

Chap 2

MikeN: Happy Birthday Bella!

BellaS does not like this

EdwardC: So Jacob can get you a gift, but I can't? You suck!

BellaS does not like this RosalieH likes this

BellaS: I got a paper cut!

JasperH: Thirsty!

BellaS: Uh Oh

EdwardC: Almost got my girlfriend killed;(

RosalieH likes this JessicaS likes this

BellaS: NOOOOO! Edward left me! My life's over!

MikeN likes this JacobB likes this TylerC likes this Charlie likes this Renee does not like this

Renee: Lasted a lot longer than I thought it would.

BellaS: Shut up!

BellaS has changed her status from in a relationship to single

BellaS: Whoa, I hear Edward's voice in my head. Creepy!

CaiusV: I think you're schizophrenic.

BellaS: Who are you and stop using big words?

MikeN: What's schizophrenic?

CaiusV: Schizophrenia, Dick! Goggle it, human!

MikeN: You're human too!

CaiusV: Oh, damn!

JacobB: Bella and I are fixing up motorcycles. Trying them out today.

BellaS: Yay! I can see Edward.

CaiusV: Schizophrenic.

BellaS: Get off my wall, whoever you are!

BellaS: Jumped off a cliff, too bad I didn't die.

RosalieH: Yeah, too bad.

BellaS: OMG! Edward thinks I'm dead!

RosalieH: My bad...

BellaS: OMG! Edward's gonna go to some vampire government and they're gonna kill him!

JacobB likes this MikeN likes this CharlieS likes this

EdwardC: Bella, I love you! I never meant to hurt you!

BellaS: I love you, too!

BellaS has changed her status from single to in a relationship

JacobB does not like this MikeN does not like this CharlieS does not like this Renee likes this

Renee: I knew it would work out!

BellaS: Stay out of my love life!

AliceC: We're all gonna die!

JaneV: Yes you are! Pain.

EdwardC: I hurt!

FelixV: Your abs are so fake.

EdwardC: I can win a fight against you any day!

FelixV: You're on!

AliceC: Felix is beating the shit out of Edward!

AlecV: How come I only have one line! I'm hot too.

Twilightfangirl311: TEAM ALEC!

AroV: You all are free, leave.

EdwardC: Yay!

BellaS: Yay!

CaiusV: Oh dammit!

MarcusV: Bored...

HeidiV: These humans make me thirsty!

DemitriV: Save some for me!

JaneV: I'm pissed!

AlecV: I'll buy you a voodoo doll.

BellaS is back in Forks

BellaS: Edward doesn't want me to be a vampire;(

JacobB likes this RosalieH likes this

BellaS: Jacob's pissed!

JacobB: Yes I am!

BellaS has signed off

I hope you liked it! Please comment, I worked hard on it. No flames, be nice.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or Facebook

Twilight Facebook

Chap 3

BellaS: Visiting my mom in Florida with Edward.

CharlieS does not like this JacobB does not like this

BellaS is back in Forks

JacobB: Edward's a lier!

BellaS: ?

JacobB: He didn't tell you Victoria's coming for you? That's why he sent you away with him.

BellaS: !

EdwardC does not like this

BellaS: I'm so mad I'm running away on a motorcycle with Jacob!

BellaS: Jacob's mad I'm gonna be a vampire.

BellaS: Damn, someone's been in my room!

EdwardC: I'm gonna kill you, whoever you are!

RileyB: Good luck trying.

BellaS: Who are you?

RileyB: Dammit!

BellaS: Jacob kissed me!

EdwardC does not like this CharlieS likes this JacobB likes this

BellaS: Screw you Jacob!

BellaS: Dammit, newborns are coming for me!

EdwardC does not like this JacobB does not like this

JaneV: Newborns? Coming!

BellaS: Looks like the werewolves and vampires will have to work together.

JacobB does not like this EdwardC does not like this

RosalieH: Like I'm gonna work with Fido.

DemitriV: Let's kill the newborns!

JaneV: No, let's have them kill the Cullens, then we can kill them.

EdwardC does not like this BellaS does not like this JacobB likes this

BellaS has changed her status from in a relationship to engaged

JacobB does not like this EdwardC likes this

JacobB: In your face Edward! I kissed Bella, again!

EdwardC does not like this

EdwardC: Yay! I killed Victoria and the other dude!

Victoria does not like this RileyB does not like this

AliceC: Yay! We killed all the newborns except one.

Bree: Thirsty!

BellaS: Ah!

JaneV: Damn, my plan didn't work.

RosalieH: Can't you kill Bella and leave?

JaneV: Aro won't let me. Do you hate Bella?

RosalieH: Yes! Do you want to start a club?

JaneV: Sure.

I Hate Bella Fan Club RosalieH JaneV JessicaS AlecV DemitriV FelixV CaiusV LeahC IrinaD Victoria RileyB Laurant James

BellaS: Damn!

AlecV: We're done here.

JacobB: The girl I love doesn't love me;(

BellaS: Sorry.

JacobB: Whatever, I'll imprint on your baby.

BellaS has signed off

Review! Be nice and no flames. If you have suggestions then REVIEW! Thanks.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Facebook

Twilight Facebook chap 4

BellaS has changed he status from engaged to married

BellaS has changed her name to BellaC

BellaC: Yay! I'm married!

EdwardC: I'm so happy!

JacobB does not like this RosalieH does not like this

RosalieH: I can't believe you're my sister-in-law!

BellaC is on Esme Isle

EmmettC: Don't Facebook about what's going on there!

BellaC: Alright.

BellaC: Holy shit! I'm pregnant!

JacobB does not like this RosalieH likes this

EdwardC: It's all my fault;(

RosalieH: Yay! Now I can pretend to like you, so when you give birth and die, I can have the baby.

Edward does not like this

AliceC: Why can't I see the baby? My visions don't work only on the wolves.

JacobB: Ew, Bella is so fat!

BellaC does not like this

EmmettC: Ew. Why is Bella drinking blood when she's still human?

BellaC: It tastes good.

JasperH: Psychopath.

BellaC: I'm doing it for my child!

EmmettC: Still counts.

BellaC: Yay! I'm alive and a vampire!

AliceC: What are you naming the baby?

EdwardC: Renesmee.

EmmettC does not like this RosalieH does not like this CharlieC does not like this AliceC does not like this CarlisleC does not like this JasperH does not like this EsmeC likes this Renee likes this

Renee: I'm a grandmother:(

Charlie: I'm too young:(

Renee: No you aren't.

JacobB: Dammit, I just imprinted on Renessmee!

EdwardC dies not like this BellaC does not like this

BellaC: I'm gonna kill you!

BellaC: Never mind.

AliceC: The Volturi are coming!

CaiusV: Yes we are.

BellaC does not like this EdwardC does not like this

AliceC: I'm leaving!

AliceC and JasperH have left Forks

BellaC: Ditchers!

JaneV: We're coming for your devil spawn!

EdwardC: NO!

AlecV: Yes.

CarlisleC: Let's collect witnesses!  
>EsmeC: Yay, we have witnesses! In your face Volturi!<p>

AroV: Don't see anything unusual about a half human-half vampire.

CaiusV: Let's kill it for fun.

MarcusV: I don't care.

Nessie: Don't kill me!

EdwardC: Jacob would die without Nessie.

AlecV: You named your daughter after the loch ness monster? Were you drunk?

BellaC: Her full name's Renessmee.

FelixV: That's even worse!

EsmeC: Shut the fuck up!

JaneV: Who's Jacob?

EdwardC: Nessie's mate.

JaneV: Ew! Pedo!

AliceC: I have a half human-half vampire hybrid for you.

AroV: Yay! Let's leave!

AroV is back in Volterra

BellaC: Yay, now we can live happily ever after!

AlecV: Lame.

Yeah, that ending was lame in Breaking Dawn. Sorry, it was rushed at the end. If I get a lot of reviews I'll make more chapters. They'll be post Breaking Dawn, so they'll have nothing to do with the books, but it'll be funny, so REVIEW! And be nice. Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

Twilight Facebook

Chap 5

AlecV: I have a plan to destroy the Colons!

EmmettC: It's CULLEN!

JaneV: What is it?

AlecV: We capture the cast of CSI, change them into vampires, create a new show called CSI:Vampires, it'll be the number one show on television, we tweet that the Cullen's (happy, Emmett?) are going to kill us, get a bunch if angry fans to go to their house and light them on fire, the Cullen's will be too "vegetarian" to kill them, and they will burn to death.

CaiusV: That plan's awful!

JaneV: It's brilliant!

EdwardC: I'm speechless.

JerryBruckheimer: Great idea! Let's do it! (Author's note: He's the CSI producer)

AlecV: SWEET!

CaiusV: Now I'm speechless.

EmmettC: Thanks for not calling us the Colons!

EdwardC: Your plan will never work.

AlecV: Get off my wall!

BellaC's wall

BellaC: Aw, Renessmee just turned five!

SethC: What? She was like two a month ago.

JacobB: She grows fast. Soon, she will be my age. I can't wait!

JaneV: Pedophile

JacobB: Go DIE, leech.

JaneV: Blame Stephanie Meyer, not me! Or blame me, I don't care, mutt.

RosalieH: Yay! Let's start an I Hate Jacob Black Club!

JaneV: Um, let's not.

StephanieMeyer: It's not pedophilia!

JaneV: Whatever you say...

Quil: Look at this picture of me and Claire!

JaneV: Damn! Are all shapeshifters Pedo? Ew, I'm outta hear!

Quil: !

Embry: I'm not!

JaneV: Good.

Embry: I think I just cyber imprinted on you. Do you want a boyfriend?

JaneV: FREAKS!

AroV: I want a new member of the guard! Who wants to join?

KleinJoel: I'll join! My power is to make bacteria disappear.

AroV: You're hired!

KevinKevin: Can I join? I can make vampires drop dead by looking at them.

AroV: No thanks.

DemitriV: So you want Mr. Soap over the drop dead dude?

AroV: There's so much bacteria in this world.

DemitriV: It's called disinfectant spray.

AroV: Anyone else?

DanielRadcliffe: Can I join?

CaiusV: Ew, human!

DanielRadcliffe: Is that a yes?

AroV: Sorry...

HarryPotter: Can I join?

AroV: YES!

FelixV: It's the same person!

AroV: In your face, Garret! Looks like your little speech didn't work out! I have Mr. Soap and a wizard! That's what you get for trying to humiliate us!

CaiusV: We're gonna kill you, Cullen's!

HarryPotter: Gellert?

CaiusV: Oh, damn!

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, Facebook, or Harry Potter.

If you didn't know, Jamie Campbell Bower (Caius)plays Gellert in Harry Potter. I probably won't do Harry Potter in the other ones, 'cause I know nothing about it. Review! And be nice, which means No Flames!


	6. Chapter 6

Twilight Facebook chap 6

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or Facebook

AlecV: Watch CSI: Vampires tonight 9:00.

EmmettC: I thought you were kidding!

EdwardC: Let me guess, Jane's the victim.

JaneV: Why does everyone want me to be the dead person?

AliceC: 'Cause everyone wants you dead.

Embry: I don't want you dead, Jane! I love you!

JaneV: FREAK!

Embry has sent Jane a friend request

Jane has denied friend request from Embry

JaredC: Get over her, dude. You don't even know her.

Embry: But she's my cyber imprint.

JacobB: I'd rather imprint on a baby, then on Jane. Wait, I already imprinted on a baby.

AlecV: Pedophile!

StephanieMeyer: It's not pedophilia!

JaneV: Stop saying that, we all know it is.

Embry: JANE!:)

JaneV: GET AWAY!

JacobB: Hitting the gym. My six pack of abs is turning into a four pack.

EdwardC: You'll never have abs as good as mine.

BellaC: Edward, your abs are spray painted on.

EdwardC: Don't tell anyone!

BellaC: Sorry.

HeidiV: Ew, they were painted on? So glad you had a robe on!

FelixV: Why do you think I gave it to him? I was getting sick looking at that.

EdwardC: Hey! I have a hot chest!

TanyaD: No you don't.

BellaC: How would you know? Edward! You're cheating on me?

EdwardC: No, it was before I knew you.

BellaC: Yeah, right! I HATE you!

BellaC has changed her name to BellaS

EdwardC: NO! Divorce papers are expensive.

BellaS: Well, good thing you're rich.

EdwardC: Oh, yeah. What are you doing, tonight, Tanya?

BellaS: NO! Edward, I was unreasonable. I'm sorry.

EdwardC: It's alright. I knew you'd come to your senses.

TanyaD: Can we still go out tonight?

BellaS gas changed her name to BellaC

TanyaD: Guess not.

MikeN: Hey, Bella! How's it going? I haven't seen you since that damn awful-I mean fantastic- wedding!

BellaC: I'm good.

MikeN: You want to go out sometime? Jess and I broke up. She was a bitch and I'm in love with you.

EdwardC: She's married, Mike!

MikeN: You mean you haven't got a divorce, yet? From the last post it looked like it:}

EdwardC: Well, we aren't! BTW, your smilie face is ridiculous!

MikeN: You don't like it? :}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}:}

EdwardC: NO! That's it! I'm getting a restraining order!

BellaC: Sorry, Mike. Edward's a control freak.

EricY: So, Bella, you want to go out sometime?

EdwardC: That's it! I'm getting a restraining order on every resident in Forks!

EricY: I just wanted to see how she was doing.

EdwardC: Too bad!

BellaC: Chill out, Edward.

EdwardC: NO! I want my mommy.

EsmeC: It's alright, Eddie. Nobody's trying to steal your wife.

ElizabethMason's ghost: Listen to her, Edward.

EdwardC: Mommy!

ElizabethMason's ghost: Actually, her ghost.

EdwardC: Oh, how's it going?

BellaC: This is frigging creepy!

BellaC has signed off

The ending was a little weird. Sorry, ran out of ideas to end it. Thanks for reading! REVIEW!:)


	7. Chapter 7

This one will be mainly the Volturi. So, don't be disappointed if you don't see enough of the Cullen's of Wolf pack. But, review and be nice please.

Twilight Facebook chap 7

FelixV: Ug, I have to watch Dracula again, tonight. I hate that movie!

CorinV: You don't HAVE to watch it.

DemitriV: Yes, we do. Aro has us watch all vampire movies and television shows to make sure they don't expose vampires to much.

CorinV: But, it's fiction.

FelixV: Haven't you noticed Aro's crazy?

CorinV: Guess not. I spend all my time in the clock tower with the wives. Aro's too afraid they'll get hurt if they leave. Guess they need my talent to keep them satisfied. Still don't get why you have to watch vampire shows.

JaneV: That reminds me, I need to watch Vampire Diaries. Stefan is hot!

StefanRomanian: Damn! Jane thinks I'm hot even though she's thirty years younger than me!

JaneV: I WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU!

StefanRomanian: GOOD!

JaneV: WHATEVER!

HeidiV: I think Damon's hotter.

JaneV: That gave me an idea! We take the actors from Vampire Diaries, change them into real vampires, capture the show's producer, force him/her to make a show called Volturi Diaries, the actors will be added members of the Volturi, and our show will be so popular it will make the Cullen's die of jealousy!

ChelseaV: You're just like your brother, with the CSI:Vampires.

AlecV: We're twins, duh.

JaneV: You know what? Chase Crawford's so much hotter! We should steal the cast of Gossip Girl, change them into vampires, change the show to Gossip Vamp, and when we get a bunch of viewers, Bella will be so pissed!

DemitriV: Enough, already! There is never going to be a Gossip Vamp, Volturi Diaries, or CSI:Vampires!

JaneV: Yes, there will be. If Aro excepts my plans. But, right now I'm focused on hanging up my Chase Crawford poster.

AlecV: NO! We just started sharing a room again and I do not want a poster of Chase Crawfish in my wall.

JaneV: It's Chase CrawFORD.

AlecV: Oh, whatever.

AlecV: Dammit, Chase Crawford's poster is staring right at me as I'm typing. I'm getting really scared.

AlecV: Damn! Chase Crawford is on the television right now! I think he's haunting me! I'm done typing!

JaneV: He's on the television 'cause I'm watching Gossip Girl.

RosalieH: I love Gossip Girl, too! Let's start an I Love Gossip Girl Fan Club.

AftonV: What is it with you and fan clubs?

RosalieH: Wanna start an I Love Fan Clubs Fan Club?

AftonV: No.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, CSI, Gossip Girl, Dracula, Vampire Diaries or Facebook.

Just got the twilight official guide the other day ago. Found out Corin was a girl. When I saw in breaking dawn the vampire index, I always thought Corin was a boy. Just thought I'd let you know. Anyways, her power is to make people content with whatever circumstances they are in, if you were confused in the first part of my story. Well, please review, and I keep on saying this, but please be nice. It would make me angry if, after all the work I put into this, to have someone tell me it's awful. Thanks for your understanding:)


	8. Chapter 8

Twilight Facebook chap 8

FelixV: So very bored.

ChelseaV: I read a magazine, and on the back there was a quiz. I could quiz you all if you want.

DemitriV: Sure.

ChelseaV: First question: What type of person do you like?

AlecV: Canadians. Their blood taste the best.

FelixV: English, the have cool accents and good smelling blood.

DemitriV: Americans. They're so unobservant, it's easy to catch and drink them.

AftonV: I don't like old people, their necks are wrinkly, so it feels weird when you bite into it, drunk peoples blood makes me high, and people with fat necks, 'cause it's hard to to get to the jugular.

ChelseaV: Not to drink! It means: What type of person would you like to date? Such as smart, funny, kind, good listener, ect.

AftonV: I'm stuck with you :-|

ChelseaV: Screw you! Next question: Besides your mate, who would you want to be with?

AftonV: Heidi.

ChelseaV: You little arse! I hate you!

AftonV: I'm sorry! I was kidding!

FelixV: You just told me last week, that you like Heidi more than Chelsea.

AftonV: Shut up!

ChelseaV: Whatever, I'll just use my bonding ability to make you love me more.

AftonV: Works for me:-)

EdwardC: HELP ME!

BellaC: What's wrong Eddie?

EdwardC: I have...

EsmeC: Tell us, Edward, tell us.

EdwardC: ...

EmmettC: TELL US ALREADY!

EdwardC: I have...BIEBER FEVER!

AliceC: What the hell...

BellaC: NOOOOO! Edward, I'm divorcing you!

EdwardC: NEVER SAY NEVER!

EmmettC: You just said never, twice.

AroV: Who is this Bieber?

BellaC: !

AliceC: !

EdwardC: !

RosalieH: !

JasperH: !

EmmettC: !

JustinBieber: !

EdwardC: JUSTIN BIEBER! You. Are. My. Idol.

JustinBieber: Thanks, man.

EdwardC and 300,000 other fangirls like this

AroV: Who's JustinBieber?

JustinBieber: It's me. (flips hair back in a way that makes a bunch of random fangirls drop dead at my gorgeousness)

AroV: I know it's you, pathetic human! I want to know what BIEBER frigging FEVER is!

CarliseC: I'll take you to a hospital right away, Edward, for your fever.

BellaC: He's not really sick, Carlise.

CarliseC: I know that! He needs to go to the mental hospital. I'm not old like the Volturi. I know what Bieber fever is.

MarcusV: We aren't old!

JustinBieber: I just got a haircut, trying something different.

EdwardC and 300,000 other fangirls do not like this

EdwardC: Dude, your music sucks without your Bieber bangs. I think my fever's over.

BellaC: YAY!:)

EsmeC: I was starting to get worried about you.

EmmettC: Baby, baby, baby, oh baby, baby, baby, no

RosalieH: NO!

AliceC: Jasper, what day is it?

JasperH: Let me check the calendar.

AliceC: It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday everybody lookin' forward to the weekend

JasperH: NO! Rebecca Black's worse the Justin Bieber!

AliceC: Gotta make my mind up which seat can I take?

RosalieC: What the hello?

AliceC: Yesterday was Thursday today it is Friday tomorrow is Saturday

EdwardC: I know the days of the week, Alice!

BellaC: That is the worst song.

AliceC: Screw you! I love it!

JasperH: NO!

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, baby or never say never by Justin Bieber, Friday by Rebecca Black, or Facebook


	9. Chapter 9

Twilight Facebook 9

Sorry, this chapters a little weird. But, please review anyway.

JaneV: Whaz up homies?

FelixV: Why are you talking like that?

JaneV: (sung to the tune if Firework) Felix, you're my teddy bear I hate your ugly hair you make me go oh oh oh 'cause you're so tall tall tall

FelixV: Alright...

JaneV: (sung to the tune of Tik Tok) Wake up in the mornin' feeling like Dracula grab my cape I'm out the door I'm gonna drink this city before I leave brush my fangs with a bottle of blood

Ke$ha: My versions way better.

JaneV: SHUT THE FRICK UP, BITCH!

DemitriV: Have you had any drinks lately, Jane?

JaneV: Just five bottles of vodka, Demi.

DemitriV: It's Demitri! Not Demi!

JaneV: Whatevz, babycakes.

DemitriV: Babycakes? Never mind, I like Demi.

JaneV: TAYLOR LAUTNER'S HOT!

JacobB: Thanks, I guess.

JaneV: NOT YOU!

JacobB: But, we're the same dude.

JaneV: Alec's hotter.

AlecV: I'm your brother, Jane.

JaneV: (sung to the tune of Jar of Hearts) collecting jars if blood and tearing necks apart you're gonna catch AIDS from drinking blood type A drinking lots of blood and having tons of fun

CaiusV: I'm sending you to a mental institute.

JaneV: Coolio! 8-)

CaiusV: That's not good!

JaneV: Will there be any hot dudes;)?

CaiusV: How would I know?

JaneV: Youv probs been to loz of mental institutez, yo yo yo

CaiusV: I don't belong in a mental institution!

JaneV: Yo, mama!

AftonV: What...

JaneV: Yo frackin face!

FelixV: Holy crappers! Jane's gone mad!

AlecV: HIDE THE VODKA!

JaneV: What in the name of Chase Crawford iz goin' on?

AroV: I LOVE PIE!

SulpiciaV: Are you alright?

AroV: HALE YEAH

AthendoraV: ?

AroV: OHHHHH YOU LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?

JaneV: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

SulpiciaV: Oh shiz!

AlecV: It's the power of the vodka!

FelixV: Crappers! Are you drunk, too, Alec?

AlecV: No.

FelixV: Oh, sorry.

AroV: I AM DRUNK!

DemitriV: We frackin' know!

JaneV: Can't friggin' read what the crappola I'm writing! Woah, dyslexic!

AftonV: You're just drunk.

CorinV: I'm glad I live in the tower.

MarcusV: I LOVE DIDYME!

AlecV: NO!

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, Facebook, any songs that are familiar to you, or Spongebob Squarepants.


	10. Chapter 10

Twilight Facebook 10

Sorry, yet ANOTHER weird chapter. But please be nice and review:)

AlecV: JANE! You stole my Call of Duty game! I want it back!

JaneV: (giggles like a little schoolgirl) No!

AlecV: Why not?

JaneV: It's annoying.

AlecV: I know you're hungover, but don't take it out on my video game!

JaneV: Whatevz

AlecV: I'm telling!

JaneV: Who? Mom? Yo mama dead.

AlecV: SHUT UP! (runs away crying like a baby)

JaneV: Oedipus!

AlecV: You don't know what the fck that means!

DemitriV: What does that mean?

JaneV: Google it!

DemitriV: *Googling* What the frick? (Author's note: It's actually funny if you know what it means)

BellaC: EDWARD! I just watched Water for Elephants, and how DARE you cheat on me with Reese Witherspoon!

EdwardC: I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

BellaC: I can not believe this! First Tanya now that. She's human, dammit! I friggin' hate you, you stupid piece of shat!

EdwardC: I've never met Reese Witherspoon in my life! I swear!

BellaC: Even the name's stupid!

EdwardC: I am not cheating on you for Reese Witherspoon!

BellaC: So what? You're cheating on me for someone else!

EdwardC: NO!

ReeseWitherspoon: He's right Bella. I've never met an Edward Cullen in my life. And there are 83 Edward Cullens in America.

BellaC: How did you know his last name was Cullen? It only says EdwardC in his Facebook name! What the friggin' hell are you doing on his Facebook page if you don't know him?

ReeseWitherspoon: Oh dammit in hell!

BellaC: EDWARD! Explain. Now.

RobertPattison: It was me not Edward!

BellaC: What the frick?

RobertPattison: I told Reese that Edward Cullen was my identical twin and that's how she found out his name. She didn't believe me, so she checked out his Facebook page.

BellaC: Oh, Eddie! I'm sorry, again, for accusing you of cheating on me.

EdwardC: It's alright, Bell.

AftonV: He, he, he, he, he:-) :-() :-} :-{} :-/ :-\\ :-[] :-] :) :~

ChealseaV: What's so funny?

AftonV: I'm not telling.

AlecV: I think he drank the rest of the vodka.

AftonV: NO!

JaneV: Don't worry, I'm not hungover, anymore.

AroV: I just drank two bottles of liqueur!

AlecV: I live with with a bunch of drunks!

JaneV: What kind?

AlecV: Jane.

JaneV: Just wondering.

AroV: WATERMELON!

AlecV: You. Are. Crazy. 'Nough said.

JaneV: He was just answering my question!

AftonV: Does anyone care about what I was saying? I got good gossip for all you gals.

ChelseaV: Tell us!

AftonV: Felix watches Spongbob Squarepants!

FelixV: It's a good show!

ChelseaV: That's it?

AlecV: You're such a dud!

FelixV: Stop spying on me!

AftonV: Dude, the volume was at least 50, and you had your door wide open.

FelixV: Hurtful! Chelsea told me you watch Gossip Girl.

AftonV: She makes me!

ChelseaV: It's true.

FelixV: Bullshat!

CorinV: Hey, there.

FelixV: Sorry, I get carried away.

AroV: I LOVE GOSSIP GIRL! Whoz wit me, y'all?

AroV: No replies? What the fudge is rong wit u dawgs? That ain't cool!

JaneV: I like Gossip Girl.

AroV: That what imma talkin' 'bout u know?

SantiogoV: Since when were you gangster?

AroV: SINCE FOREVER!

AlecV: Stop getting drunk!

AroV: Imma notsa drunks, yo. Imma intoxicated!

AlecV: I'll burn all the alcohol.

JaneV: Bobby Flay's making a rum cocktail on the food station.

CaiusV: I hid the alcohol for you, Aro.

AlecV: NO!

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, Facebook, Gossip Girl, Spongebob Squarepants, Call of Duty, Oedipus, or Water for Elephants.


	11. Chapter 11

Twilight Facebook 11

PLEASE READ: Warning! Contains Justin Bieber bashing! I am not an Anti-Bieber! I'm just doing this for a laugh and mean no offense to diehard Bieber fans. I don't hate him, and I do not wish to cross anyone. Contains CSI. If you haven't seen or heard of the show, you'll be confused. Thank you.

AlecV: JUSTIN BIEBER DIED!

FelixV: No he didn't.

AlecV: Check out this video.

300,001 people like this 300,000 people do not like this

JaneV: HOLY SHAT! That is him!

HeidiV: !

DemitriV: YAY!

EdwardC: No! My life's over;-(

BellaC: I thought you were over Justin Bieber.

EdwardC: In the video he has his Bieber bangs.

AroV: Who is this Bieber?

EmmettC: You are old.

AroV: WE ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS, DAMMIT!

JasperH: Calm down!

AroV: Will someone answer my question? I already asked it twice.

JaneV: He's a thirteen year old boy who sings like a ten year old girl.

AliceC: He's seventeen.

JaneV: Really?

EmmettC: Ha ha ha! I keep on replaying it!

AliceC: How come I didn't see this?

CarlisleC: I've had patients come in and tell me they have Bieber fever.

EsmeC: Where's the gore and guts? Dammit!

JasperH: !

EdwardC: I'm speechless.

NickStokes: I KILLED HIM!

JaneV: GASP! How could you George Eads? What will happen to CSI?

GeorgeEads: I didn't kill him.

JaneV: What? You're the same dude!

NickStokes: He was going to kill me!

DemitriV: Justin Bieber was going to kill George Eads?

GeorgeEads: NO!

JasonMcCann: I WAS GONNA KILL NICK STOKES!

DemitriV: Who the hell are you?

JasonMcCann: I'm Justin Bieber's character in CSI!

AlecV: Duh! Don't you potheads watch the show?

EdwardC: ALEC TRICKED US!

DemitriV: Not cool.

AlecV: I thought you all were smart enough to know that was from CSI. Guess not.

300,000 like this 300,001 do not like this

Sorry, this chapter was lame. I'm running out of ideas! Again, I mean no offense to anyone. Thanks and review. NO FLAMES.


	12. Chapter 12

Twilight Facebook 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or Facebook

RenesmeeC has created a Facebook

Renesmee: Yay! I'm thirteen now!

BellaC: Can you believe it? You'll be sixteen in five months!

MikeN: Don't you mean three years? Jeez, you're stupid!

BellaC: Get off my wall!

MikeN: No, Bella! I LOVE YOU!

BellaC: I'm ignoring you.

BellaC has ignored MikeN

RenesmeeC's wall MikeN: WTF is wrong with you, Bella?

RenesmeeC: Who are you?

BellaC: Everyone! Ignore MikeN!

RosalieH has ignored MikeN EmmettC has ignored MikeN EdwardC had ignored MikeN AliceC has ignored MikeN JasperH has ignored MikeN EsmeC has ignored MikeN CarlisleC had ignored MikeN RenesmeeC has ignored MikeN JacobB has ignored MikeN

JessicaS: You have a lot of haters, Mike.

RosalieH: Want to start an I Hate Mike Newton Fan Club?

JessicaS: NO!

EdwardC: Yes, now we never have to deal with him ever again!

AroV's wall

AroV: PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME

MikeN: BELLA, I LOVE YOU!

CaiusV: Who the hell are you?

MikeN: Bella's secret crush.

BellaC: OMG! Get away from me, creep!

CaiusV: EXCUSE ME!

BellaC: Not you.

AroV: You may want to get off this wall, I'm a TAD drunk.

JaneV: When aren't you?

AlecV: I live with a bunch of alcoholics! I'm calling child protective services!

AroV: I just sent MikeN a virus! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA SMILY FACE SMILY FACE SMILY FACE

MikeN: Damn, my computer's crashing!

EdwardC: Thank you, Aro.

AroV: :-}

EdwardC: NO! I hate that smily face!

BellaC's wall

JessicaS: YOU'LL NEVER GET RID OF ME!

BellaC: Jessica?

JessicaS: NO! It's Mike! I hacked Jessica's computer and I took over her Facebook account!

BellaC: NO!

JessicaS: YES!

EdwardC: Stop stalking my wife!

JessicaS: NEVER!

BellaC has ignored JessicaS EdwardC has ignored JessicaS AliceC has ignored JessicaS EmmettC has ignored JessicaS JasperH has ignored JessicaS RosalieH has ignored JessicaS EsmeC has ignored JessicaS CarliseC has ignored JessicaS RenesmeeC has ignored JessicaS JacobB has ignored JessicaS

EricY: Hey Bella, IT'S MIKE!

BellaC: NO

AroV: (×̯×)

BellaC: YAY! It's dead! (×̯×)

EricY: I'M SCARED!

No Mike was harmed during the making of this story:) Thanks for reading and REVIEW!


	13. Chapter 13

Twilight Facebook 13

JaneV: Today is my 1,203 birthday! YAY!

AlecV: And mine.

JaneV: Who cares?

AlecV: I do!

JaneV: YAY, I got vodka from Aro!

AlecV: Ew, so did I. Stop being an alcoholic!

HeidiV: You'll LOVE my present.

JaneV: JUSTIN BIEBER'S MY WORLD 2.0 CD! I HATE YOU FOREVER HEIDI!

HeidiV: !

AlecV: There's nothing in my box.

HeidiV: I couldn't think of anything, so I got you air!

AlecV: What the hell?

JaneV: Felix, why did you get me all the seasons of Spongebob?

FelixV: Spongebob's the best show ever!

AlecV: I got a Spongebob Squarepants belt. Damn, it sings!

FelixV: Holy shit, it's the FUN song!

AlecV: What?

FelixV: F is for friends who do stuff together U is for you and me N is for anywhere and any time at all down here in the deep blue sea!

JaneV: !

AlecV: I'm throwing this in the trash!

FelixV: Can I have it?

AlecV: You're the one that got me it.

FelixV: So?

AlecV: Alright.

FelixV: Yay Spongebob!

CaiusV: Happy Birthday pain and sorrow fill the air people dying everywhere

DemitriV: That's depressing!

CaiusV: It's the Russian Happy Birthday Song. And it's Jane and Alec's birthday present.

AlecV: That's the worst song ever!

JaneV: I loved it!

AlecV: Why the hell did Chelsea give me a poster of Betty White?

JaneV: NO! A JUSTIN BIEBER POSTER!

ChelseaV: I thought you'd like it.

AftonV: It's from me too.

JaneV: These presents suck!

AlecV: I'm outta here!

DemitriV: I got you Spongebob underpants and Jane a hug!

JaneV: Why would I want a hug?

AlecV: I'm not a loser who likes Spongebob!

DemitriV: Just give it a try.

AftonV: Demitri, you like Spongebob Squarepants?

DemitriV: Hell yeah!

CorinV: I got Jane and Alec keychains with their name on it.

JaneV: I actually don't mind that.

CorinV: Yay!

MarcusV: I'll smile for you.

JaneV: Really?

MarcusV: No! I just want Didyme!

AroV: Baby.

MarcusV: Shut up!

CaiusV: Get over her already.

MarcusV: NEVER!;(

AftonV: I'm a goofy goober!

FelixV: Yeah!

DemitriV: We're all goofy goobers

FelixV: Yeah!

AlecV: WTH!

FelixV: It's the best day ever

DemitriV: Best day ever

AftonV: It's the best day ever

HeidiV: What the hell is going on?

Spongebob: Best day ever!

AftonV: No way! SPONGEBOB!

ChelseaV: Afton, you like Spongebob Squarepants?

AftonV: HELL YEAH!

FelixV: You're my idol!

Squidward: He's the most annoying piece of $&#!

Spongebob: Squidward!

Patrick: What does $&# mean?

Squidward: You are stupid!

: Don't go around ye cursin' boy!

AlecV: This is weird.

JaneV: I'm logging off.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, Spongebob Squarepants, Facebook, or Justin Bieber's My World 2.0 CD 


	14. Chapter 14

Twilight Facebook 14

TylerC: YOU'LL NEVER GET RID OFF ME, BELLA!

BellaC: Tyler?

TylerC: No, it's Mike!

EdwardC: Stop hacking peoples' computers! It's freaking annoying!

BellaC: Stop being a creeper, Mike!

EsmeC: KILL HIM ALREADY!

CarlisleC: Esme!

EsmeC: I want guts and gore!

EmmettC: I'm speechless.

EdwardC: You're a creeper!

BellaC: Yes! BLOOD AND GORE!

EdwardC: Bella!

EsmeC: I said GUTS and gore.

BellaC: Well, I want blood.

JasperH: BELLA, I LOVE YOU!

BellaC: NO! Mike hacked Jasper's account too!

EmmettC: No, that was me.

BellaC: Not cool!

TylerC: I'm so over you, Bella!

BellaC: YAY!

EdwardC: Finally!

AroV's wall

AroV: I LIKE CHOCOLATE! [[[[[]]]]]

AlecV: That looks like a bandage, not chocolate.

AroV: SCREW YOU!

JaneV: I like death

AlecV: Weirdo!

JaneV: !

AroV: Guess what.

AroV: Nobody said what:(

AroV: Whatever, I'll tell you anyways. I love Spongebob!

FelixV: Go Spongebob!

AftonV: I LOVE GOSSIP GIRL!

ChelseaV: Seriously?

AftonV: It grew on me.

JaneV: OMG, Chase Crawford's hottie hot hot:}

EdwardC: I HATE THAT SMILY FACE!

DemitriV: ~:-)

JaneV: What the hell?

DemitriV: It's a baby.

FelixV: \(o_\) \(o_\) Dance time!

SulpiciaV: #

AroV: Sweetie, are you alright?

SulpiciaV: What? It's a waffle.

AroV: I LOVE WAFFLES!

SulpiciaV: ME TWO!

JaneV: Alright...

Embry: JANE! I haven't been on Facebook in forever. How's it going?

JaneV: I don't know you!

Embry: You're my cyber imprint, and I love you.

JaneV: I still don't know you.

Embry: I'm a freakin' werewolf!

AroV: SHAPESHIFTER!

Embry: Right.

JaneV: I remember. Now get off my wall!

AroV: IT'S MY WALL!

JaneV: It is? Get off Aro's wall!

AroV: I have to get off my own wall?

JaneV: Not you!

Embry: Why can't you see you belong with me /you belong with me/ have you ever thought just maybe/ you belong with me/ you belong with me

SethC: Taylor Swift? Really?

JacobB: DON'T SAY THAT NAME! She's my ex-girlfriend!

TaylorLautner: No, she's my ex-girlfriend.

JacobB: Right.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, Facebook, Gossip Girl, Spongebob, or You belong with me

I wanted to get the whole Mike stalking Bella over with. This was really random. But, hey, this is a random fanfic.


	15. Chapter 15

Twilight Facebook 15

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or Facebook

RenesmeeC: I'm bored.

MarcusV: So am I.

JaneV: When aren't you?

RenesmeeC: Let's play truth or dare! Anyone can play!

JacobB: I want truth.

RenesmeeC: Who's the first girl you've ever kissed?

JacobB: Well...

RenesmeeC: What?

EdwardC: Don't say it!

RenessmeeC: Tell me!

JacobB: Your mother!

BellaC: GASP!

RenesmeeC: GASP!

EmmettC: Drama!

AliceC: Let's not reflect on the past.

RenesmeeC: JACOB, I HATE YOU!

EdwardC: I'M REALLY ANGRY!

RenesmeeC: I'M GOING EMO!

JasperH: Join the club.

RosalieH: There's a club? I want to join!

JasperH: No.

JacobB: I'M SORRY!

RenesmeeC: No you aren't.

JacobB: I'll buy you a pizza.

RenesmeeC: Bribing won't do anything!

JacobB: I'll buy you a chocolate bar!

RenesmeeC: You're forgiven.

EdwardC: Really?

RenesmeeC: It's cho-co-late!

EdwardC: Pathetic!

Embry: Why does cyber imprinting have to be so hard?

SamU: There's no such thing as cyber imprinting.

Embry: Yes, there is. I looked at Jane's profile picture and I was like "Whoa, I just imprinted"

JaredC: Really? 'Cause I thought "Whoa, this girl looks like the devil"

JacobB: You don't just know you imprinted. It's like the earth stops moving, only she is keeping you on your feet.

SethC: Actually, gravity keeps you on your feet.

StephanieMeyer: HEY! If I want to say it that way, I can!

SethC: Imprinting's stupid anyways.

LeahC: OMG! I just imprinted on Embry!

Embry: I prefer Jane...

LeahC: My name is Leah Clearwater, and I'm going to kill myself. BANG BANG!

JacobB: What the hale?

RosalieH: Did someone say my last name?

JacobB: No.

SethC: Yay, now I don't have to deal with her!

Embry: My bad...guess she really did imprint on me.

LeahC's ghost: You'll be my ghost imprint.

Embry: !

Bree's ghost: You can join the party.

RileyB's ghost: Where making an army of ghost to destroy the Cullen's!

BellaC: NO! It's Eclipse all over again.

Victoria's ghost: I love you, Riley.

EdwardC: You're still with her after all that?

RileyB's ghost: Yeah.

James' ghost: I'm hear, Victoria.

Victoria's ghost: Later, Riley.

RileyB's ghost: See ya!

EdwardC: Really?

Didyme's ghost: I love you, Marcus.

MarcusV: DIDYME!

AroV: Oh great! Not her again!

Didyme's ghost: Aro!

IrinaD's ghost: OMG, ! I'm the only one that died on BD? Favoritism!

StephanieMeyer: I just couldn't get rid of anyone else!

IrinaD's ghost: THAT'S BULL!

I don't believe in ghosts. Just thought I'd let you know. If you didn't notice by me killing her character, I don't like Leah. She's a Mary-Sue. You can't help but NOT like her. But I like twilight, so don't be offended by me killing her. Please review. NO FLAMES. I'm sorry if you like Leah.


	16. Chapter 16

Twilight Facebook 16

JaneV likes pain, torture, killing, death, blood, and gore

FelixV: You've got problems!

AroV: I love cookies!

JaneV: What does that have to do with anything?

AroV: IDK

CaiusV: What does IDK mean?

AroV: I don't know.

CaiusV: Nobody knows what it means!

DemitriV likes Taylor Swift, stalking people

HeidiV: Why do you like stalking?

AftonV: You like Taylor Swift? What a wuss!

DemitriV: You like Gossip Girl, Afton!

AftonV: SO?

JaneV: One Tree Hill is WAY better!

FelixV likes Spongebob Squarepants, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick

AlecV: You're obsessed, man!

DemitriV: I love Spongebob.

Squidward: Why don't you like me?

Plankton: Nobody likes me;(

AftonV likes Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, my wife 'cause she's standing right next to the computer, and video games

AlecV: VIDEO GAMES ROCK!

FelixV: What is it with you and soap operas?

AftonV: What is it with you and Spongebob?

JaneV: I got him hooked on One Tree Hill.

ChelseaV: You really do love me, right?

AftonV: Of course!

AroV likes cookies, alcohol, glitter, Justin Bieber, Cupcake Wars, and teddy bears

AroV: No replies? Does everyone hate me?

SulpiciaV: Yes.

AroV: !

MarcusV likes nothing

DemitriV: You have a sad life.

AlecV likes violence, war, video games, and Jane

JaneV: I love you, too;)

FelixV: I knew Jane was dropped on her head when she was a baby!

JaneV: No!

CaiusV likes everything Jane likes

JaneV: We are so alike.

CaiusV: I hear ya.

HeidiV likes makeup, hair products, smelly hand sanitized, and buying popular items at stores so other people won't get it

JaneV: Someone's superficial!

ChelseaV: Thanks to you, Heidi, I didn't get my fifty percent off designer shoes!

ChelseaV likes being Aro's favorite, gossiping, and celebrities

JaneV: You says YOU'RE Aro's favorite?

AftonV: What about me?

ChelseaV: Sorry...

CorinV likes sewing, talking, drawing, and jokes

FelixV: You're boring!

CorinV: Excuse me!

SantiogoV likes technology, aliens, music

AlecV: Aliens aren't real.

SantiogoV: Stop being such a smartalec!

AlecV: I am smart and my name is Alec.

SantiogoV: You suck!

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, Gossip Girl, Spongebob, One Tree Hill, and Cupcake Wars

Thanks for reading. Please review.


	17. Chapter 17

Twilight Facebook 17

AlecV dislikes pink, love, Cupid, Valentine's Day, hearts

FelixV: You need somebody to love!

HeidiV: OMG! Pink is my fav color!

JaneV dislikes humans, happy people, people who think they're better than me(they're not), laughter unless for evil purposes, CULLENS

DemitriV: Sadist!

JaneV: Shut the frack up!

DemitriV dislikes Spongebob Squarepants

FelixV: WHAT?

DemitriV: Got old.

FelixV: I hate you forever!

AftonV dislikes Spongebob, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber's bangs

AroV: You don't like Justin Bieber?

FelixV: Nobody likes Spongebob, anymore!

FelixV dislikes Afton and Demitri for not liking Spongebob

AlecV: You're obsessed!

AftonV: It's true.

FelixV: I hate you all!

AroV dislikes operas, scary movies, burping

AroV: No one ever comments!

CaiusV dislikes kids, movies rated PG-13 or lower, humor, magicians

AthendoraV: I hate kids, too!

FelixV: Humor is what makes life worth living.

MarcusV dislikes everything

DemitriV: I'm sorry your life sucks.

HeidiV dislikes models (they think they're more pretty than me), gore, Kristin Stewart 'cause she's dating Robert Pattinsin

JaneV: Who doesn't like gore?

ChelseaV: Models are just made up to look pretty.

KristinStewart: Don't hate!

RobertPattinson: What girl doesn't want me?

HeidiV: I changed my mind.

ChelseaV dislikes country music

TaylorSwift: You're worse than Kanye!

JaneV: Lots of people hate country music.

KanyeWest: Everyone hates me. Even more so than Chris Brown?

ChrisBrown: I've got lots of fans.

KanyeWest: Imma let you finish, but Rihanna is better!

ChrisBrown: Screw you!

TaylorSwift: He did the same thing to me!

ChelseaV: Get off my page, please.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Spongebob

I hope you enjoyed it. Please review. I'm sorry to say, but I think I'm going to take a break from this story. I haven't been having very many good ideas lately. I want to work other stories and I think this one is almost done. I will add another chapter if I get a good idea, but for now it's on hold. Please don't be upset it you don't see me update. Thank you to all of you that read and review:]


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